Havin’ A Ball at Virginia City’s 33rd Annual Rocky Mountain Oyster Fry

He said it like it was a bad thing, when ninety percent of the people in Virginia City that day were putting balls in their mouth, and they liked it.

Almost everyone was dressed in green as it approached St. Patrick’s Day, which happened the day after the annual Virginia City Rocky Mountain Oyster Fry. Otherwise known as the Testicle Festival, on this 33^rd annual event, eleven Northern Nevada chefs were given sixty pounds of raw bull testicles which they used to grind, cook, and place in tacos, tamales, jalapeno poppers, bangers, and more to detract from what they really were…and all served up with a side of puns.

In going to this event, I heard things like “I didn’t know oysters came from the Rockies” and then when people found out what Rocky Mountain oysters were, they proclaimed that they would never put something like that in their mouths.

Oysters don’t come from the Rockies, they come from the sea. But Rocky Mountain oysters are the inland aphrodisiacs, supposedly rich in iron, zinc, vitamin B12, and high in protein.  

I don’t mind trying new “delicacies” (in moderation).  I’ve eaten crickets in Mexico and a fried scorpion on a stick in Thailand (it tasted like a pringle). So, like my fellow adventurous foodies, I was thrilled when the organizers invited me to be a judge at this year’s cowboy caviar extravaganza.

“This is my favorite event of the year,” says Sam Lyons, chef at Men Wielding Fire. “I love telling people I’m going to the teste feste,” adding, “and that trophy is pretty big.”

It being a beautiful, sunny day, people started piling onto the main street of Virginia City in droves. Armed with my clover-shaped Judge’s badge and clipboard, I set off at the far end and worked my way to the stage, where the parade came through at noon.

Over at the far end, a “Nuts Under A Buck” food truck touted “$10 Vasectomies” and “complimentary tea bags”. Someone pointed to the vasectomy offer and told his friend, “Look, you can save money.” When the Montana tendergroins were cooking, they smelled a little gamey, but fortunately none of them tasted that way when fully cooked. In my opinion, venison or lamb has more of a weird taste than testes.

The first one I tried was #8 (Hillbilly Chili) which served a straight up Meat Ball. It tasted like a grandma’s-secret-recipe spicy meatball, the dollop of splooge, err, green crème, adding a nice touch. This ranked one of my highest in terms of creativity and taste. Here were my other notes:

Cajónes Caliente, #1- The longest line for huevos de toro was at Cajónes Caliente…these jalapeno popper makers have been taking part in the oyster fry since 2009. The friendly chef let me pick my own bacon-wrapped bull popper, and I went for the biggest one.

Nut Up or Shut Up, #2- This tastes like some of the unidentifiable meat I’ve had in a deep-fried shell while traveling in Asia…definitely tastes better with the sweet and sour sauce.

Ball Bangers, #3- As a big “sausage” fan, these really hit the spot for me!

Café del Rio, #4- These tacos have a chorizo-like consistency in a soft taco shell with cabbage and lettuce. Nice!

Mustang Ranch Lounge, #5- I like the cheese and Verde green sauce in these nut nachos.

Hey De’s Nuts, #6- I’m not normally a big tamale fan, but if you’re going to put testicles in a tamale then this is the way to do it.

Dolls N Balls, #7- I like the flavors in this cup of ball hash, and very St. Patty’s Day inspired with the chunks of potatoes and bell peppers.

Men Wielding Nutchos, #9- This teste meat has the consistency of tender carne asada, making them muy deliciosa belotas.

Holy Balls, #10- Wow, what presentation and taste in these bacon-wrapped manicotti balls with a nice, sweet pepper sauce. A fellow ball connoisseur saw me taking these notes and asked if I was filling out a job application for Holy Balls. “Of course I am…what else would I be good for rather than working the balls?”

“I think you can do better,” he replied.

Kastration Kreations, #11- I like that this is just a straight-up cup of seasoned meat, no fluff or bull fur. I’m sorry Ferdinand, but your balls taste really good!

Over at Kastration Kreations, these Minden/Gardnerville chefs explained what they had to go through to be a part of the Oyster Fry. The health department permits they had to obtain were absolutely nuts—they wrote down every part of the cooking process and took apart every piece of the grinder, capturing photos of it and putting it back together. They said that while the balls are cooked at around 110 degrees Fahrenheit, they cooked them at 170 degrees. Cooking these calf fries in a way that wins the foot-tall trophy is serious business.

After I finished my judging duties, I placated my nut-filled stomach with some whiskey, listened to Irish music, and watched the parade. Here are the results of the 33^rd Annual Oyster Fry:

 Best Overall Taste – Professional

  Ball Bangers

2. Cafe Del Rio

3. Mustang Ranch Lounge

 Best Overall Taste – Amateur

 Hillbilly Chili

2. Team Holy Balls

3. Cajónes Caliente

 Most Creative Dish

 Team Holy Balls

2. Cajónes Caliente

3. Ball Bangers

Brandi Lee’s People Choice

Cajónes Caliente

2. Nut Up or Shut Up

3. Team Holy Balls

 Best Team Name

Kastration Kreations

2. Nut Up or Shut Up

3. Hey De’s Nuts

 Biggest Ball Slinger

Nut Up or Shut Up

2. Cajónes Caliente

3. Hillbilly Chili

Virginia City is known for its original, quirky events that never disappoint, and this year’s Rocky Mountain Oyster Fry was no exception. If you missed this year’s event, be sure to check out the Outhouse Races coming up in May, the Camel Races taking place in September, and Christmas on the Comstock around the holidays. https://visitvirginiacitynv.com/